Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
