I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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