I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
