Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
