WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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