Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
