yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
