am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
