Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
