I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
