My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
