I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
