I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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