she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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