If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
