there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize