I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
