a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
