Screwed.edu
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Text me some of your sweat
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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