I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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