literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
