There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
