Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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