O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
