you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
