literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
