I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
