you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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