I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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