im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
