if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He keeps bees of course he's weird
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize