Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
