I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
