I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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