i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
