I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
