i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
