apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
