weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
