just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
