Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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