i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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