shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
