weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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