OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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