he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
