3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
