She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
