This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize