So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
