This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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