jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
