I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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