When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
