We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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