His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
