His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
