I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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