Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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