thus making me awesome and them whores
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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