Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
