just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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