If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
