True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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