Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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