If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize