I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
