Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
