this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
