hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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