i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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