I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
