Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
