Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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