3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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