This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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