What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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