You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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