he wants to bone in the snuggie
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
