You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
