Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
