did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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