did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
