if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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