And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
