Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
