My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
