Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
