And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
