Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
